I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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