how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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