I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize