remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have already put on my inside pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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