Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We need to get me chipped asap
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
