Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
