She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
