Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
