It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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