why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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