It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
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I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
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I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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