FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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