she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
