youre lurking in front of me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize