did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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