she was so not down for the gang bang
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
