you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
