Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
