So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
