My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
