I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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