I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
