Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
