I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
