The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The uberlube is also flammable
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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