I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
