What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
