Already got asked if we're dating
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
