that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
