Welp...herpes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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