She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
