i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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