Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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