life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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