I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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