Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
