I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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