The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
