so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
