I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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