Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
