if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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