Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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