Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.