I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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