I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So squirting runs in the family.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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