I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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