It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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