I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
