end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
