if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fuck appropriateness.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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