she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
