bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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