the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
