my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
