the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
