just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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