3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Randomize
