birth control should be required to get into college
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
