You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
