Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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