Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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