Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
where are my eyebrows?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
