He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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