I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
