OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
