the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
