best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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