Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
