it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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