so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
