I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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