remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
